Learn English Funcast

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Joke1:

Darth Vader and Luke Skywaker are in an intense light saber duel. Vader attempts to gain the upper hand by distracting Luke with banter Vader” I am have power in the force you cannot comprehend. I am so powerful I can tell you what you will be getting for Christmas” Luke: Oh really, how? Vader: I can feel your presence

Joke 2:
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”
He replied, “It’s the plumber.”
He thought it was the lady who’d said, “Who is it?” and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn’t happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”
He said, “It’s the plumber!”
He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”
He said, “It’s the plumber!!!!!!!!”
Again he waited; again she didn’t come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, “Who is it?”; “Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!” he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, “A dead body!” she exclaimed, “Who is it?!”
The parrot said, “It’s the plumber.”

Darth Vader and Luke Skywaker are in an intense light saber duel. Vader attempts to gain the upper hand by distracting Luke with banter Vader” I am have power in the force you cannot comprehend. I am so powerful I can tell you what you will be getting for Christmas” Luke: Oh really, how? Vader: I can feel your presence

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”
He replied, “It’s the plumber.”
He thought it was the lady who’d said, “Who is it?” and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn’t happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”
He said, “It’s the plumber!”
He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”
He said, “It’s the plumber!!!!!!!!”
Again he waited; again she didn’t come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, “Who is it?”; “Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!” he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, “A dead body!” she exclaimed, “Who is it?!”
The parrot said, “It’s the plumber.”

Joke 3:
My great aunt Nancy was always an animal lover. She kept all sorts of pets; cats, dogs, rabbits, birds, you name it, she had it.
When she was about 7, she even had a pet chicken named Peepers, who always followed her around the suburbs on a crude leash made of twine.
In late 1950, Nancy went out to the coop one morning to find it empty. She ran all over the neighborhood, in a state of hysterics, looking for Peepers.
Nancy’s mother eventually managed to calm her down. She sat Nancy on her lap, and told her that Peepers had been suffering from a stomach virus, and had to be sent to a farm upstate where he could be taken care of properly.
Nancy was back to her old chipper self within minutes after hearing this news, and went upstairs to play jacks.
Three days later was Thanksgiving. Present were Nancy, her mother, her father, and Nancy’s rather snarky grandmother.
The family made small talk until Nancy’s mother walked in from the kitchen, carrying a steaming roast chicken, on a silver platter.
Nancy sat up in her seat, and said brightly, “Boy, Peepers is a lucky stiff to be upstate right now!”
Her grandmother, at the far head of the table, muttered darkly, “Oh, he’s STIFF alright.”
Nobody except Nancy could bring themselves to eat the chicken!
My great aunt Nancy was always an animal lover. She kept all sorts of pets; cats, dogs, rabbits, birds, you name it, she had it.
When she was about 7, she even had a pet chicken named Peepers, who always followed her around the suburbs on a crude leash made of twine.
In late 1950, Nancy went out to the coop one morning to find it empty. She ran all over the neighborhood, in a state of hysterics, looking for Peepers.
Nancy’s mother eventually managed to calm her down. She sat Nancy on her lap, and told her that Peepers had been suffering from a stomach virus, and had to be sent to a farm upstate where he could be taken care of properly.
Nancy was back to her old chipper self within minutes after hearing this news, and went upstairs to play jacks.
Three days later was Thanksgiving. Present were Nancy, her mother, her father, and Nancy’s rather snarky grandmother.
The family made small talk until Nancy’s mother walked in from the kitchen, carrying a steaming roast chicken, on a silver platter.
Nancy sat up in her seat, and said brightly, “Boy, Peepers is a lucky stiff to be upstate right now!”
Her grandmother, at the far head of the table, muttered darkly, “Oh, he’s STIFF alright.”
Nobody except Nancy could bring themselves to eat the chicken!