Learn English Funcast

Listen to the podcast lesson and read the joke text below:

Joke 1:

An alcoholic arrives at a bar at 5 pm to get wasted, in his usual fashion. By his 8th shot, he vomits on his shirt. He begins to panic, knowing that his wife will be able to tell that he was drinking. The bartender takes pity on the man and decides to offer the poor man some expert advice. “Put a 10$ bill in your pocket and say someone else threw up on your shirt and gave you the 10$ to have your shirt cleaned.” The man agrees with the idea, thanks the bartender, and leaves a nice tip. He gets home and, as expected, his wife is upset. The alcoholic quickly explains the situation, and pulls out a 20$ bill. The wife says, “Wait… You said he gave you 10$ to get the vomit removed. Why do you have a twenty?” The man says, “Oh, I forgot to mention, he puked in my pants too!”

Joke 2:
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they’re all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They’re each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy’s cell. He comes out and says, “I studied so hard. I’m so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific.” They open up the second guy’s door. He comes out with his wife, and they’ve got five new kids. He says. “It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it.” Finally, they open up the third guy’s door, and he’s slapping at his pockets, going “Anybody got a match?”

Joke 3:
Death or Booka
Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, “Death or Booka?” Well the explorer doesn’t want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the chief then rips the explorers pants off and has sex with him. The chief calls the second explorer to the front and asks, “Death or Booka?” Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The chief rips the second guys pants off and has sex with him then the tribe has his way with him . The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, “Death or Booka?” Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better, he stood up chest out and yells with a deep voice “DEATH” at the chief. The chief turns to the tribe and screams “DEATH…….. BY BOOKA!”