“I invited a friend home for supper.” The Husband Said. “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” The wife said.
“I know all that.” Replied the nonchalant husband.
“Then why on Earth did you invite a friend for supper?!?” Said the infuriated wife.
“Because the poor guy’s thinking about getting married.”
An American man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man are on a plane.
The plane is going to crash unless they lose some excess weight.
The Mexican man throws beans off the plane, he says, “In my country, we have too many beans.”
Next, the Chinese man throws rice off the plane, he says, “In my country, we have too much rice.”
Next, the American man throws the Mexican man off the plane,
He says, “That bastard slept with my wife.”
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together. A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks “what in the world are you doing?” The man replies “I’m keeping the mountain lions away!” The police man says “there’s not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!” The man grins “I know I’m doing a pretty good job, aren’t I?”