Learn English Funcast

Listen to the podcast and follow along with the text

 

Joke 1:

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco, Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn’t want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Trooper’s car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper’s car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door, and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take me to jail, cause there ain’t no way I can pass that test.”

Jokes 2:
The admiral of the navy went to interrogate the pirate captain. He noticed that the captain was missing a leg, had a hook on a hand and was wearing an eyepatch. So he asked him the story behind them. The pirate captain said, “I lost the hand 5 years ago, while fighting with the English army. So I used a hook in its place.” “What about the leg?” “I lost the leg when a mutiny occured and my first mate fought me. I killed him and all the mutineers were executed, but lost the leg.” “I understand the hook and the leg, but why the eye patch?” “That happened when I was strolling the deck and inspecting the activities, and a bird shit on my eye.” “You mean that you lost your eye due to bird shit?” “No, it was my first day with the hook.”

Joke 3:
The teacher showed her class pictures of a chameleon changing color. “Does anyone know what this animal is called?” “A colorchanger,” said Johnny. “No. That’s not right. The correct name is ‘chameleon.’ Johnny thought for a minute, then asked, “An animal like that, that can change its color — is it so hard to believe it can’t change its name too?”